Love Is A Verb

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

I'm snuggled in bed with a belly full of toast and jam and I'm thinking about love.
I have been for a little while, actually.
What does it mean, what does it look like.
You know.
And I've been thinking more and more that John Mayer, douchey as he is, has a point: 
love is a verb.
You can say that you love somebody, sure.  Those three words hold more meaning than most, but not on their own.
You need actions to back them up.
So then you start thinking, how can I show this person I love them?  And appreciate them?  And want them to be happy?  And think they're a way cool human being and I'm lucky they keep me around?
This Saturday was the best day I have had in a while.
Not that the other days haven't been good.
But this day.
It was a reconnection to the old days while still being a little bit of the new.  It was Lauren's last day here and she, the rooms and I went exploring through the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art.
There is just something about experiencing something new with your peeps, and that something being an awesome art museum definitely ups the ante.
The fact that Lauren was there with my three other favorite people just made it feel so right.  And the fact that everyone loves her makes my heart happier than a bird with two french fries.
I just couldn't stop looking at everyone and how beautiful and themselves they all are.

So I've been thinking a lot about love.
How lucky I am to have it from so many beautiful people around me.
How I should show it more.
Saturday was a bit of a wake-up call too, because that was the first time I have really hung out with Madi in such a long time that I can't even remember the last time.
And that's not okay, because she is the kindest, most genuinely sweet and caring and funny person I know.  She was my best friend last year.  We went through some stuff together, ya know.  I was incredibly lucky to find her (yay online dating!) and I should never have let us get so distant this semester.
So how can I show her I love her?
How do I show my other roomies, or even the people thousands of miles away?
And because I've been unstably emotional lately, I'm tearing up right now.
Maybe all these thoughts are because I've been so homesick lately.  It seems like every time I'm on the phone with my mom, my grandparents are over and everyone is having fun together, and I so wish I could be there.
Today I sat in the car and cried for ten minutes, completely unprovoked.  I even looked at how much it would cost to fly home tomorrow for my brother's birthday, since I'll only really be home for a few hours over Thanksgiving break.
And I don't even like him that much.
I also think it's because I'm the lucky recipient of a lot of love, and I want to make sure that I give it back. 
Love can be leaving your sweatshirt at your girlfriend's house on purpose so she can wear it.
 **side smile emoji**
Love is cleaning the kitchen, or making the Spongebob mac n cheese, or flying 2,000 miles to see your best friend.  It's taking the time to ask how their day was, or remembering to ask about their test, or making time to talk even with a busy schedule.
It's reaching over to drive the car or pull up my leggings when we're walking to a game and eating a burrito from Taco Bell. 
Love is calling out of the blue.
Or a donut.

The point is, there's a whole lotta love going on in my life right now, and I'm writing to say that I see it.
I am here, and I appreciate the love.
 I have a nasty habit of unconsciously taking things for granted as they are happening, and instead, looking back in a few years and reminiscing for the days when everything was so perfect and wishing they could be that way again.
And I'm sure I will yearn for these days again, because they are pretty damn special.
But at least when I look back at the selfies I made Chris take with me, I'll remember how unrepresentative the amount of pictures is to how much time we actually spend with each other (he thinks it's not every day, but I'm waging a bet).  And how much of that time we spent laughing hysterically at how funny we were.
And when I scroll through pictures of scary photobooth pics me and Lauren took, I won't remember how stressed I was about the speech I had to give on Monday and the papers I had to write once she left.  I'll remember the best day ever and how much everyone here loves her and how happy and blessed that made me feel.
The countless concert pics I have with Molly will probably make my heart warm and my eyes wet, but I will sleep easy knowing I cherished those moments while we had them.

I'll remember the singing a the top of our lungs, dancing as much as we could car rides home from KC.
Falling down from laughter in the kitchen way too late at night.

This blog is my virtual version of my happy jar.
Here's to keeping it full.

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1 comment:

  1. blaming my period for the emotional reaction I had to this. i lurve u kathy