from a year ago (or so)

I'm going to try to explain something to you. I'm not sure if time is the giver or the gift, but I am receiving. 

I took down the Christmas decorations today and the space feels blessedly empty. Wonderfully clear, perfectly clean. 

I am ready to pack this year up and kiss it goodbye. 

I have lived more life in the past 12 months than what feels like many of the past years. I have so many people to thank for the depths my heart has gone to, for the way I have molted through multiple skins, each one more beautiful than the last. I honestly cannot think of a time where I have grown with such awareness, such intentionality and purpose. The last time I metamorphisized like this was college, but I didn't know what I was doing, I was just living. I was young and life was going to bring me growth naturally, and I was going to absorb it all with a teaspoon of awareness. 

This year...this year was different. This year I chose growth. I chose depth, I chose responsibility, I chose 'the only way out is through.' I chose sitting in grief and loss and uncertainty, I said 'give me the mirror' again and again and again. I reunited with the many parts of myself: I built forts and laid in them for hours with my younger self. I hugged myself while I cried and cried....and cried. I stretched my tendons in yoga and released more sadness than I could have ever imagined holding in between my hips and along my spine. I witnessed familial healing, felt the fruits of trusting my intuition and pushing until it felt right. 

This year was truly the most beautiful year of my life so far. Thank you, Saturn Return. Thank you, God and Universe and Source. Thank you, strong, brave me.