Emmanuel Has Come

Tonight I showed up so raw. I showed up with my sadness, my regret over past mistakes, my fear of making them again, my shame over wanting forgiveness I do not deserve and relief from the knowledge that I am imperfect and cause harm. I showed up with my longing for a partner and my tiredness of carrying everything on my own. I brought my fear of man, my worry that my friends all harbor resentment and distrust against me, my overwhelm of money spent and material possessions consumed, my paralyzing anxiety that I will be perceived and found wanting.

I brought it all and I thought to myself, I could really use a hug tonight. Maybe the Lord will send me someone because tonight, I am in His house, surrounded by answered prayer. I know for a fact, without checking my phone for group chats and texts, that there are people in this sanctuary who I have broken bread with, and prayed with, and am eager to see. This alone is a beauty unimaginable.

And after I wept during worship, and took communion before the cross, and knelt in humble submission, He made me laugh. He sent me a friend who gives the best hugs. He gave me the opportunity to pray for someone I love and am comfortable with, and to share the burdens weighing on my heart. He sent me familiar faces, and more hugs, and another friend to share in my giddy excitement over answered prayers.

I think someone who doesn't walk with Jesus might hear these things and think, so what? Sounds like a regular night. Or, sounds like a bunch of coincidences or drawn conclusions. Of course you saw people you know there, of course they gave you a hug. I will continue to attempt to explain it, how the Lord's hand just becomes so obvious once you start looking. I needed a hug and my Father took care of me. It's as simple as that.

He is moving SO MUCH in my life. I see it unfolding before my very eyes, every single day, but tonight especially. God is moving so much that I have a friend apologizing for an answered prayer that resulted in my being pushed out of my comfort zone - something I asked for but was afraid of. 

Praise be to God in the highest. Amen, amen.

(from 12/1/25)