naked and afraid

How do you feel this morning? he asks. Wants to know.

How do I feel? Where do I begin?

I feel entirely aware of all my dark and dusty nooks and crannies, the parts I so desperately want someone to take a flashlight to while I watch through my fingers and hear them say, all clear! It's okay, there's nothing to be scared of here! Just a deep corner where the shadows look more ominous than they should.

I feel like, at some point, existing and relating and loving should become easier, instead of more and more complex. 

I feel like whenever I have something precious in my hands, I can't walk without spilling some of it, no matter how hard I try.

I feel like I so badly want to take a step without stumbling because my knees are still bruised and bloody from the last fall. I'm starting to think, though, that I really should just invest in a good pair of knee pads.